Saturday, May 3, 2014

A Cesarean Birth

While I'm not sad or embarrassed or feel bad that I had a cesarean section, a little part of me feels like I missed out. I didn't get to labor at home, I didn't get to feel amazed at what my body is capable of as I progressed from a 1, to a 3, to a 7, to a 10. I didn't get to push my babe out and watch him exit my body by my own sheer power, and I didn't get to feel the relief and pure emotion as he was placed on my chest.

Instead my lovely babe entered the world in a sterile, cold, operating room, with the help of a surgeon.
I wasn't able to hold him right away or see that slimy naked body. I didn't have the moment where I saw him and held him to my chest, freshly born.

But do I love him less? No.
Do I regret having a cesarean? No.

Having a vaginal delivery and normal labor experience could have ended badly for Abe and me. And while it was always "the plan", sometimes plans change.
And indeed, I am grateful for my c section, as it got my dear baby here safely.

I watch or see others birth photos and videos, and yes, I start to feel emotional that I didn't have a similar experience. But then I remind myself that my babe is here.

And really, isn't that all that matters in the long run?

Natural or Medicated.
Vaginal or Cesarean.
Birth is a miracle, and the tiny babe that comes after is a gift.

(and a part of me is grateful that I didn't have to experience the pains of labor and delivery, though I still want to experience that, and will try for a VBAC.  but now, that scares me, too. next time I am pregnant, preparing to give birth, I won't really know what to expect, even though I will be a second time mom. that scares me a little. and I almost feel like my recovery from my c section would be easier than a recovery from a vaginal delivery. but of course, it will all work out, more painful or not. so we'll wait and see.)

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