Some Thoughts and Feelings

Well, I am glad the news is out. I have been a terrible blogger - for mainly two reasons. One, I've been so sick and didn't have too much to blog about, let along want to blog.  And two, I just wanted to blog about my pregnancy, but was too paranoid to. I'm going to discuss this below, but we tried for a while to have this baby, so once I found out I was pregnant I was so paranoid that either I wasn't really pregnant, or that I would lose the baby. So no we've had an ultrasound, heard the baby's heartbeat, my labs are all normal, and I'm in the 2nd trimester. I'm feeling more relaxed, and even more excited. We scheduled our anatomy scan for next month, on the 19th. We are REALLY excited to find out if we're having a boy or a girl.

I have also been terrible at taking "belly" pictures. Mostly because I hardly ever get ready for the day. This week I have been doing better though, so hopefully I remember to have Kyle take a picture tonight. I think I am starting to get a little bit of a baby belly now. Before I got pregnant I had a little belly, but it went down a little as I lost weight, and now it's coming up again, and feels harder than before. I'm pretty sure I can feel my uterus right above my pubic bone, which is pretty cool.



So, now that the news is out I wanted to share a little bit about our journey on how we got here. Most people announce a pregnancy, and that's that. We never really know much more than the fact that they are pregnant. The truth is that everyone is different, and everyone has their own stories, and their own struggles.

Now, that being said, we did not struggle with infertility. We did, however, try for this baby for a year. So while I am in no way belittling that oh-so-common struggle that is infertility, I want others to know, who are in my situation, that it is ok. Even without a diagnosis of infertility, seeing a negative pregnancy test is hard. Counting down the days to when your period is due is hard. Seeing others around you become pregnant is hard. I, personally, was gearing up to go see a doctor and start getting infertility testing done, when I found out I was pregnant, which made finding out I was pregnant that much more surprising!

It's important to remember that getting pregnant is, in fact, a miracle. I took an infant development class at BYU, and we spent our first couple of weeks talking about conception. And I remember thinking, holy crap, it's a miracle anyone gets pregnant! And then I had to pause, and realize, in a more serious manner, no, really, making and growing a baby IS a miracle. It is a gift.

Just one more thing - I had all these ideas and thoughts about pregnancy both before and after we started trying. I have always wanted to be a mom, and thought I was prepared. But let me tell you, nothing can prepare you for pregnancy. I'm only 1/3 of the way in, and I know I have a lot more experiencing to do, but holy cow. Pregnancy is hard. Part of the time I am fairly certain that this is going to be my only child because this sucks. But, it is worth it when you go in for an appointment, and hear that baby's heartbeat, or see if fluttering around on the screen, and in 6 months we will have a real live baby of our own to snuggle and protect and teach.


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This was kind of a long and detailed blog post. I'm going to try to keep my blog posts about pregnancy fairly short (after this one). I have another private blog where I am going to blog in detail about this pregnancy experience, and I know public blogs can get annoying if all things baby take over! So I will do my best to have a happy balance on here :)